Ya know what's cool nowadays? Being green. I can dig that. We all need to do our part in order to help clean up this big blue marble we call home. A huge part of that is recycling. Like nearly everyone I know these days, I separate my trash into the appropriate bins in the hopes of leaving this place a nicer spot to graze for future generations. It's a pretty amazing thing really. The milk carton you drank from today becomes the pair of weird shoes you buy at Whole Foods tomorrow. I thought I'd take it a step further though, and recycle some of my favorite 80's terms just sitting in the pop culture landfill that is my brain. I encourage you to do the same. Enjoy and reuse.
Warp Zone - Made famous in the 1980's by the Super Mario Bros. as a way to travel between worlds/levels on the game.
Recycled - A way of referring to getting black out drunk and not remembering how you got from one place to another.
Example - "One minute I was at the bar and the next I was throwing up outside WaWa. I took a Warp Zone, bro."
Gleaming the Cube - Movie about Skateboarding starring Christian Slater made popular in 1989.
Recycled - Spending too much time in one day masturbating on the internet.
Example - "I was supposed to go to the bank, do laundry, and hit the gym, but I got caught up Gleaming the Cube all afternoon."
Prince Adam - He-Man's quiet purple pants wearing alter ego.
Recycled - What to call your buddy if he's being hesitant about talking to a girl or group of girls, either for his own benefit or good of the group.
Example - "She's hot. Get over there Prince Adam!"
April O'Neil - Female reporter friend of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Recycled - A lady who has had sexual relations with all of the male members in a particular circle of friends.
Example - "Of course she will. She's our April O'Neil."
Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth - WWF icon and his sexy manager/wife.
Recycled - Any couple who works out together at the gym.
Example - "I was hoping to use the cable crossover but Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth are hogging it."
Cobra Kai - The bad guy dojo who abused Daniel in the Karate Kid.
Reboot - Any traveling pack of douche bags who are nowhere near as cool or charming as they perceive themselves to be.
Example - "Get a load of the Cobra Kai from Morgan Stanley over there at the corner table. I hope they wipe that cocaine off their polos next time they head to the bathroom for a popped collar check."
Flux Capacitor - Sits in the center of the DeLorean in Back to the Future. It's what makes time travel possible.
Recycled - Your favorite device for smoking weed.
Example - "I just bought some great stuff from, Glen. It's packed and ready to go over there in the flux capacitor."
Tori Scott - Character from Saved by the Bell who appeared for the first half of season 5 and replaced Kelly Kapowski as Zack's object of affection.
Recycled - A new menu item at you favorite restaurant that has, to your disappointment, replaced an item you once adored.
Example - "I thought you were getting the buffalo chicken wrap?"
"They took it off the menu. I had to get the Ranch Roll Up."
"Any good?"
"Complete Tori Scott."
Jet Wash - What ultimately leads to Goose's death in Top Gun. Maverick accidentally flies through Iceman's Jet Wash causing the plane to go into a spin, requiring him and Goose to eject.
Recycled - When you're walking behind someone who lets go of a fart that hits you directly in the face.
Example - "What's wrong?"
"I think I flew through that old lady's Jet Wash leaving JCPenny's."
Johnny Castle - Swazey's character from Dirty Dancing who tangoed his way into the hearts of Baby and the rest of America in 1987.
Recycled - Your friend who consistently dates girls who are way too young for him.
Example - "Lets go to McDonald's and wait for the high school dance to let out."
"You're bein a Johnny Castle right now, Aaron."
Moonwalk - Dance move made famous by Michael Jackson where you glide backwards on the bottom of your feet.
Recycled - When you awkwardly bounce around while walking in hopes to stifle an embarrassing itch somewhere in your undercarriage.
Example - "HA! You're totally moonwalking right now."
"Suck My Wake" - Name of the Jet Boat rented by Dan Aykroyd's character in the great outdoors.
Recycled - Can be used in an argument in place of classics like "F#ck You" or "Kiss My Ass."
Example - "The Wizard is a terrible movie."
"Suck my wake!"
Wolf Buddy - Term coined by Styles in Teen Wolf for someone who is a fan of his furry friend Scott Howard.
Recycled - Any friend of mine.
Example - "Do you read The Fat Kid Chronicles?"
"Oh yeah. I'm a total Wolf Buddy."
Happy Wednesday Gang.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Where in the world is William "Billy" Zabka?
So, where is that guy and what's he doing? I think sometimes about actors from my youth who were working steady and then suddenly seemed to vanish. I wonder about those folks a lot. Zabka was good at what he did. Great at what he did even. What about now though? I decided to look into this friends and let me tell you something...Billy Zabka is doing just fine.
Since 1984, when The Karate Kid hit the big screen, Zabka has palyed in 32 movies and three television series. Some you know, most you don't. I find it a bummer that most people I know who aren't actors, equate being an actor with being a prominent film or television star. The fact of the matter is that just being able to make a living as an actor, to get by and make ends meet, is incredibly difficult. To be at celebrity status is less common than winning the lottery. My point is that steady work is a place that the majority of aspiring actors out there will sadly never see. While Mr.Zabka's IMDB page is full of titles like, Python and High Voltage, at least it's full of titles. Something I'll tell you first hand, is no easy feat.
What I really find interesting about Zabka though are his accomplishments aside from acting. In 2003 he wrote and produced the short film, MOST. It was warmly welcomed at The Sundance Film Festival and won numerous awards at other festivals that same year. In 2004 Zabka was nominated for an Academy Award for the film. That's right. Mr. No Mercy is an Oscar nominee.
Look for William next year in the eight part miniseries, To Appomattox. He'll star alongside Rob Lowe and William Peterson in this story about the Civil War and it's incredible generals.
So, that's where Billy Zabka is. Now the next time you're baked with friends and you stop flipping through the channels because you've come across that black headband, blonde hair, and the line, "I'll decide when he's had enough, man," and your buddy looks at you with bloodshot eyes and asks, "What's that dude up to?" You can say, "That's William "Billy" Zabka. He's a writer, director, actor, Oscar nominee, and All American Bad Ass."
Now get out there and sweep the weekend's leg everybody!
Happy Friday Gang.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
A Belated Valentine to the Keystone State
Last week marked five years since I moved to New York. Three and a half years living in Queens, a year and half here in Brooklyn, and all the while working in Manhattan. I consider New York my adopted home. It's now a part of me and I'm a part of it. Maybe LA is in my future. Maybe I'll get back to living on the gulf coast of Florida again someday. For the moment though, at least until this lease is up, I'm a happy Brooklynite.
When the Phillies play the Yankees every year, I tend to post about it quite a bit on Facebook. This is because I'm a Yankee fan. Now, I'm not a Yankee fan because I moved to New York. I'm a Yankee fan because I come from a family of Yankee fans. My grandfather, my uncles and cousins, all Yankee Fans. Paul O'Neill was my favorite player as a kid. One of my favorite things to do during my summers as a little Mergs was to come in after a long day of wiffle ball, and plunk down to watch the night game on WPIX11. So, in spite of what some folks think, I didn't become a Yankee fan when I moved here. I was born into it.
As I was growing up and embracing the pinstripes, I was shunned and looked down upon by the red and powder blue wearing, Mike Schmidt adoring Philly Fans that seemed to outnumber me all my youth. According to them, I had it all wrong. I had no sense of loyalty to my home state. So, if Donny Baseball was ever to come strolling down Wilkes-Barre Blvd, and I wasn't willing to spit in his face, then I was a trader of sorts to where I where I was raised.
I've been to Phillies and Eagles games before. I could never, ever see myself as a Philly fan. I'm not about to bash those crazy, yet loyal folks thought. That's not what this is about. Even thought I'm happy to live the rest of my life without stepping in Citizen's Bank Park again, that doesn't mean I don't have a tremendous amount of respect for The City of Brotherly Love. Why would I not respect and admire the city that produced Rocky, the cheese steak, and It's Always Sunny. It's a part of PA.
Somewhere in the middle of supporting my baseball team via my status these last few years, I sensed that some of my online peeps got the idea that I was putting NY before PA on all fronts. One angry friend of mine even told me that, "I forgot where I came from." That is hog shit, gang. I love where I grew up. The older I get the more I love and respect Pennsylvania. I write about the city so much simply because I'm here. If I was still in the Wyoming Valley then I'd be writing about The Wyoming Valley. So as I continue my hard living here in NYC, I think about my home state often. The things I miss about it. I thought I'd share some of my favorite things about PA and why I love them and miss them so.
Wings - One simplest joys of the bar food world. A chicken wing covered in some type of spicy sauce, with blue cheese and celery on the side. I come from a place where you're no more than a fifteen minute drive to a wing night ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. Each bar or restaurant back home with a recipe all their own. Kelsey's, Major League, Pizza Bella, Frog Pond, I miss you guys! You take those little drums and flats and make magic happen. I've made a pilgrimage to Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY. You my friends, are simply better. Much better. Another thing I love about wings back home is that 99% of the time, they're served in an establishment that also serves...
Pizza - Yes I know NY is the undisputed pizza capitol of our country. While the round Neoplitan style here is plentiful and delicious, is it rare that a pizzeria in NY will also serve wings or that a wing spot will also serve pizza. This is tough because where I'm from, Pizza and Wings go together like PB & J. It's just how it is. Besides not being able to get this dynamic duo together, I miss the different take on pizza that so many places in PA have. That square, sometimes even fried, crust that is just not found in the big apple. Yes, you can find a Grandma Pie on every block here, but I've never seen anything resembling the artisan genius of Kelsey's, Newtown Cafe, and Pizza Lovin.
The Weather - I consider myself lucky to grow up with the four seasons. Seeing the leaves change, the snow blanket my yard, the cherry blossoms bloom, and swimming pools across the neighborhood come to life, was a staple of growing up in PA. I never thought about it as a kid or even as a teenager. I took it for granted. It wasn't until I moved here that I realized what I had. NY has four season too. They're just different. Cold, BlackDirtySnowCold, Hot, and Balls Hot. Somewhere in the middle of that you get a glimpse of nice weather but if fades quickly.
The Bar Specials - Dollar Pitchers, 50 cent drafts, Penny Til You Pee. They're what made my tolerance what it is today. Last time I was in Bloomsburg I spent a whole night getting sloshed at Clancy's. When I told the kid to close my tab I though, "Okay, bought two rounds for everybody, five Jameson's and four Buds for me, three rounds of shots, and the two vodka and sodas for the girl I thought was digging me, but is now nowhere to be found. Should be around $100.00. $115.00 maybe." Forty bucks. I mean, ya gotta love that.
Driving - Yeah, $2.50 will get you anywhere in NY on the subway. Who the fuck wants to ride the subway? Sure, you can take a cab. Cab from my work to my home, $28.50. C'mon man.
Going to the Movies - First matinee of the day at Cinemark in Moosic, still my favorite movie theater in the world, $4.50. Full Price, $8.00. NYC $12.50 regular, $16.50 3D, $22.50 IMAX. Tack on my nacho and candy habit and I have to start saving now to go see The Dark Knight Rises. Combined with the overcrowded, over chatted theater, it's like playing Cinema Russin Roulette every time ya go to AMC.
The Cost of Living in General - This is what $300,000.00 gets ya in PA. This is what $300,000.00 gets ya in NY.
The Lack of Pretentious Douche - Throw a rock in NY and you'll hit a D-bag. For every quality human being I've met here, and I keep company with some truly incredible people, I've come across a hundred yuppie jerkoffs. People so please and satisfied with themselves and their parents money that I can hardly stomach it anymore. NY is a place that revolves around the dollar, and too many people here love their money to a point that it overrides their ability to practice basic manners. It's all over the island of Manhattan and it is growing by the second.
I could go on with Bazaars, the outdoors, Abe's Hot Dogs...but I won't. And after five years do I still think is NY cool? Bet your ass I do. It's very, very cool. It amazes me everyday.These are just a few of things I miss about where I'm from. So even though I'll continue on in an abusive relationship with a very sexy woman named, New York City, part of my heart will always belong to my first love. PA.
Happy Wednesday Gang.
When the Phillies play the Yankees every year, I tend to post about it quite a bit on Facebook. This is because I'm a Yankee fan. Now, I'm not a Yankee fan because I moved to New York. I'm a Yankee fan because I come from a family of Yankee fans. My grandfather, my uncles and cousins, all Yankee Fans. Paul O'Neill was my favorite player as a kid. One of my favorite things to do during my summers as a little Mergs was to come in after a long day of wiffle ball, and plunk down to watch the night game on WPIX11. So, in spite of what some folks think, I didn't become a Yankee fan when I moved here. I was born into it.
As I was growing up and embracing the pinstripes, I was shunned and looked down upon by the red and powder blue wearing, Mike Schmidt adoring Philly Fans that seemed to outnumber me all my youth. According to them, I had it all wrong. I had no sense of loyalty to my home state. So, if Donny Baseball was ever to come strolling down Wilkes-Barre Blvd, and I wasn't willing to spit in his face, then I was a trader of sorts to where I where I was raised.
I've been to Phillies and Eagles games before. I could never, ever see myself as a Philly fan. I'm not about to bash those crazy, yet loyal folks thought. That's not what this is about. Even thought I'm happy to live the rest of my life without stepping in Citizen's Bank Park again, that doesn't mean I don't have a tremendous amount of respect for The City of Brotherly Love. Why would I not respect and admire the city that produced Rocky, the cheese steak, and It's Always Sunny. It's a part of PA.
Somewhere in the middle of supporting my baseball team via my status these last few years, I sensed that some of my online peeps got the idea that I was putting NY before PA on all fronts. One angry friend of mine even told me that, "I forgot where I came from." That is hog shit, gang. I love where I grew up. The older I get the more I love and respect Pennsylvania. I write about the city so much simply because I'm here. If I was still in the Wyoming Valley then I'd be writing about The Wyoming Valley. So as I continue my hard living here in NYC, I think about my home state often. The things I miss about it. I thought I'd share some of my favorite things about PA and why I love them and miss them so.
Wings - One simplest joys of the bar food world. A chicken wing covered in some type of spicy sauce, with blue cheese and celery on the side. I come from a place where you're no more than a fifteen minute drive to a wing night ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK. Each bar or restaurant back home with a recipe all their own. Kelsey's, Major League, Pizza Bella, Frog Pond, I miss you guys! You take those little drums and flats and make magic happen. I've made a pilgrimage to Anchor Bar in Buffalo, NY. You my friends, are simply better. Much better. Another thing I love about wings back home is that 99% of the time, they're served in an establishment that also serves...
Pizza - Yes I know NY is the undisputed pizza capitol of our country. While the round Neoplitan style here is plentiful and delicious, is it rare that a pizzeria in NY will also serve wings or that a wing spot will also serve pizza. This is tough because where I'm from, Pizza and Wings go together like PB & J. It's just how it is. Besides not being able to get this dynamic duo together, I miss the different take on pizza that so many places in PA have. That square, sometimes even fried, crust that is just not found in the big apple. Yes, you can find a Grandma Pie on every block here, but I've never seen anything resembling the artisan genius of Kelsey's, Newtown Cafe, and Pizza Lovin.
The Weather - I consider myself lucky to grow up with the four seasons. Seeing the leaves change, the snow blanket my yard, the cherry blossoms bloom, and swimming pools across the neighborhood come to life, was a staple of growing up in PA. I never thought about it as a kid or even as a teenager. I took it for granted. It wasn't until I moved here that I realized what I had. NY has four season too. They're just different. Cold, BlackDirtySnowCold, Hot, and Balls Hot. Somewhere in the middle of that you get a glimpse of nice weather but if fades quickly.
The Bar Specials - Dollar Pitchers, 50 cent drafts, Penny Til You Pee. They're what made my tolerance what it is today. Last time I was in Bloomsburg I spent a whole night getting sloshed at Clancy's. When I told the kid to close my tab I though, "Okay, bought two rounds for everybody, five Jameson's and four Buds for me, three rounds of shots, and the two vodka and sodas for the girl I thought was digging me, but is now nowhere to be found. Should be around $100.00. $115.00 maybe." Forty bucks. I mean, ya gotta love that.
Driving - Yeah, $2.50 will get you anywhere in NY on the subway. Who the fuck wants to ride the subway? Sure, you can take a cab. Cab from my work to my home, $28.50. C'mon man.
Going to the Movies - First matinee of the day at Cinemark in Moosic, still my favorite movie theater in the world, $4.50. Full Price, $8.00. NYC $12.50 regular, $16.50 3D, $22.50 IMAX. Tack on my nacho and candy habit and I have to start saving now to go see The Dark Knight Rises. Combined with the overcrowded, over chatted theater, it's like playing Cinema Russin Roulette every time ya go to AMC.
The Cost of Living in General - This is what $300,000.00 gets ya in PA. This is what $300,000.00 gets ya in NY.
The Lack of Pretentious Douche - Throw a rock in NY and you'll hit a D-bag. For every quality human being I've met here, and I keep company with some truly incredible people, I've come across a hundred yuppie jerkoffs. People so please and satisfied with themselves and their parents money that I can hardly stomach it anymore. NY is a place that revolves around the dollar, and too many people here love their money to a point that it overrides their ability to practice basic manners. It's all over the island of Manhattan and it is growing by the second.
I could go on with Bazaars, the outdoors, Abe's Hot Dogs...but I won't. And after five years do I still think is NY cool? Bet your ass I do. It's very, very cool. It amazes me everyday.These are just a few of things I miss about where I'm from. So even though I'll continue on in an abusive relationship with a very sexy woman named, New York City, part of my heart will always belong to my first love. PA.
Happy Wednesday Gang.
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Fat Kid Chronicles Endorsement: Angry Boys
I love television. I mean, I LOVE television. After my mother and grandmother, television raised me. If my journey stays the course I've mapped out for myself here in New York, creating television will hopefully be a big part of my future. Until that day comes though, I'll continue to throw my server apron in the wash at the end of the night, and plunk down on the couch as an adoring fan of this glowing magic thing that has brought so many awesome adventures into my life day after day.
I'm a firm believer that we are in the golden age of television. An age that I feel really began just over a decade ago, and was led primarily by HBO. With shows like The Sopranos and The Wire, HBO raised the bar for what television could be. That bar is now swung from by shows like Breaking Bad, Louie, and Boardwalk Empire. That same bar is walked under by shows like Whitney, Terra Nova, and Last Man Standing.
The problem is, and in some ways always has been, the fact that television is a business of formula. Once a formula works its hard to get networks to take a chance on anything else for a long time. The folks in the suits who make the calls on what shows get on the air to be seen by couch penguins like myself, are scared. They've always been scared. That's why we end up with a dozen different shows about crime scenes investigators and dozen more about vampires. (I'm wondering why I haven written a script for CSI: Transylvania yet. I'd have a Yacht by now.)
Some shows give me hope though. Shows with the balls and the creative intuition, to tell stories in a fresh and exciting way that goes against the paint by number garbage that sadly still floods much of television today. While I do believe that there have been enough interesting and groundbreaking programs emerging over the last decade to deem this TV's golden age, there is still a lot of shit on television. So when a new show does make it's way through the airwaves and into my living room, and I do think it's something special, I want people to know about it. I want people talking about it and quoting it. I want it to succeed.
Angry Boys is the third series created, written by, and starring Australian born actor, writer, and comedian Chris Lilly. Produced by ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) and HBO, Angry boys is a mockumentary style series focusing on the lives of six different characters all played brilliantly by Lilly.
There's identical twins Daniel and Nathan Sims; former Surfing World Champion Blake Oakfield; US rapper S.mouse; Japanese mother and manager of a skateboarding champion, Jen Okazaki; and Juvenile Justice Center worker Ruth Sims, aka Gran. Lilly's commitment to the ridiculousness of his characters allows for tons of laughs broken up now and then, ever so quietly, by truly touching, heartfelt, and sometimes very sad, family moments.
Since the season finale premiered to tonight, and the show was only scheduled to run for one season, I'm not really trying to convince you to get out there and save this thing. It's more about giving attention, where is due. Creating buzz about shows like this is something that I believe helps convince networks like HBO to let people, like Mr. Lilly, continue to do their hilarious thing. People like him are the ones who smash through that formulaic door and lead the way for the yet to be discovered generations of innovative television creators.
Angry Boys Trailer
I'm a firm believer that we are in the golden age of television. An age that I feel really began just over a decade ago, and was led primarily by HBO. With shows like The Sopranos and The Wire, HBO raised the bar for what television could be. That bar is now swung from by shows like Breaking Bad, Louie, and Boardwalk Empire. That same bar is walked under by shows like Whitney, Terra Nova, and Last Man Standing.
The problem is, and in some ways always has been, the fact that television is a business of formula. Once a formula works its hard to get networks to take a chance on anything else for a long time. The folks in the suits who make the calls on what shows get on the air to be seen by couch penguins like myself, are scared. They've always been scared. That's why we end up with a dozen different shows about crime scenes investigators and dozen more about vampires. (I'm wondering why I haven written a script for CSI: Transylvania yet. I'd have a Yacht by now.)
Some shows give me hope though. Shows with the balls and the creative intuition, to tell stories in a fresh and exciting way that goes against the paint by number garbage that sadly still floods much of television today. While I do believe that there have been enough interesting and groundbreaking programs emerging over the last decade to deem this TV's golden age, there is still a lot of shit on television. So when a new show does make it's way through the airwaves and into my living room, and I do think it's something special, I want people to know about it. I want people talking about it and quoting it. I want it to succeed.
Angry Boys is the third series created, written by, and starring Australian born actor, writer, and comedian Chris Lilly. Produced by ABC (Australian Broadcasting Corporation) and HBO, Angry boys is a mockumentary style series focusing on the lives of six different characters all played brilliantly by Lilly.
There's identical twins Daniel and Nathan Sims; former Surfing World Champion Blake Oakfield; US rapper S.mouse; Japanese mother and manager of a skateboarding champion, Jen Okazaki; and Juvenile Justice Center worker Ruth Sims, aka Gran. Lilly's commitment to the ridiculousness of his characters allows for tons of laughs broken up now and then, ever so quietly, by truly touching, heartfelt, and sometimes very sad, family moments.
Since the season finale premiered to tonight, and the show was only scheduled to run for one season, I'm not really trying to convince you to get out there and save this thing. It's more about giving attention, where is due. Creating buzz about shows like this is something that I believe helps convince networks like HBO to let people, like Mr. Lilly, continue to do their hilarious thing. People like him are the ones who smash through that formulaic door and lead the way for the yet to be discovered generations of innovative television creators.
Angry Boys Trailer
Thursday, February 9, 2012
It's not a Shower Beer it's a _____________.
If you Google the term Shower Beer, you'll get a pretty standard response. The first link that's displayed under my search goes to Urban Dictionary. I'm a big Urban Dictionary fan. It's a great resource to learn what something like a Cincinnati Bow Tie if you're not sure and too embarrassed to ask. (While I was adding that link Urban Dictionary also told me that I should check out what a Cincinnati Pad Thai is. Enjoy that one.)
Their definitions for the shower beer are all fairly clean cut and to the point. The one below is pulled right from the page and the others all follow suit.
Shower Beer - An alcoholic beverage one consumes while cleansing himself/herself.
Pretty straight forward, right? Right. Click here to see the rest of the Urban Dictionary definitions if you like.
The link below Urban Dictionary on my Google search leads to a Facebook page dedicated to the Shower Beer. Yup, a whole page with nearly 6000 members. All these folks seem really into the simple act of having a beer in the shower either at the end of the day or before a night out. So between Urban Dictionary, this fbook group, and nearly every other link that popped up from my search, it seems like almost everyone out there agrees that a shower beer is simply a beer you drink while taking a shower.
Okay, so why am I writing about this? I'm writing about this because I've had my own, slightly more involved, definition of the shower beer for years now. The thing is though, I'm not seeing that definition online anywhere. What I'm getting at reader friend is that we have a tremendous opportunity to work together to coin a term and give this ritual beer of mine a proper name.
Now, I know that there may be and probably is a name for this out there already. I've just never heard it. So if you and your friends have a term for my definition, please share. If you don't then let's figure one out. Okay, here we go.
Merg's Shower Beer Definition - The beer have with you while you're getting ready to go out for the evening that nudges you from completely sober to feeling good; in turn causing you to think that you look better than you actually do.
There it is. The beer you take along with you from the fridge to the shower to bedroom. Then once you're finished getting ready you look in the mirror, and the same way other people look better when you're a bit drunk, you look better when you're a bit drunk.
Now, this is seldom the first beer of the night. At least not for me. If I'm having a few at home before hitting the bar then this beer is usually around number 6. Once finished I do that final check in the mirror before stepping out and I say to myself, "Go get'em you Italian Ryan Gosling." So while enjoying a beer in the shower is part of this, it's more about giving yourself that little extra spray of confidence to go along with the extra spray of Acqua Di Gio. Now, I just need to give it a proper name. If you and your group of friends already have a name for this, lay it on me. I thought about calling it a Confidence Beer but abandoned it quickly. I'd like something with a little more pop. I'm looking forward to hearing your suggestions and I hope you get to enjoy a _________ beer sometime this weekend.
Happy Friday gang.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Wolf Buddy
What's your favorite movie? I love that question. It's a great getting to know someone kind of question. Sometimes when I ask a person that question they have the answer out of their mouth before I can even finish. Other folks won't answer. I guess with the grand catalog of films from the last century, it's simply too much to choose just one favorite. Those folks will usually proceed to give me five or six different picks. I'm fine with that. I myself have a couple favorites that I just can't choose between.
For me, Scent of a Woman and Pulp Fiction, are my go to flicks. Scent of a Woman for many reasons. Most importantly because somewhere in the middle of seeing it for the first time when I was in high school, I knew I wanted to become an actor. Pulp Fiction because...I just think it's the coolest fucking movie of all time. It drips more cool than an air conditioner. From start to finish, even when Quentin himself awkwardly makes his way through the third act, it's all still pretty incredible.
There is a third though. It's a movie I must have seen well over a hundred times when I was a kid. A movie I rediscovered about five years ago. A movie that I believe shines a light on the truths about man's very nature on the earth. That movie is Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf was released on August, 23 1985. It came out the same summer as Back to the Future. Atlantic Releasing Corporation, the studio that distributed Teen Wolf, did all they could to capitalize on Back to the Future's success, but the two weren't even close. Teen Wolf grossed less than a tenth of what Back to the Future did that year. I don't think anyone was shocked and the flick was more or less overlooked at the time and headed to be a "cult classic." I was just a little more than three and a half years old at the time. Given my toddler status in 1983, I obviously wasn't able to make it over to the Gateway Cinema to catch the opening weekend of this masterpiece. I know for a fact however that Teen Wolf and I found each other shortly afterward. The reason I know this is because in first grade I insisted that I be Teen Wolf for Halloween. My mom signed off on it and purchased the necessary make up and such. I won costume contests that year both at school and at St. Leo's Church. You're probably saying, "How do you remember that, Mergs?" Trust me, I remember every time in my life I ever won candy.
My Teen Wolf VHS and I were besties for quite awhile. I would watch it on the reg along with the Teen Wolf Cartoon Series that came out on Saturday mornings. (A slightly bastardized version of the film but with the same central story.) I don't know why I dug the movie so much back then. One reason may have been that my cousin Mike and I thought the character Stiles, played brilliantly by Jerry Levine, was the funniest thing in the history of comedy. With lines like, "I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher? Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner." and the famous, "What are you looking at Dicknose?" tee shirt he sported, Stiles may very have well been the funniest thing either of us had seen up to that point in our lives.
Althought I moved on to other movies as I got older TW was a staple of my collection throughout my preteen years. Sadly though, I ended up doing something I think everyone does at least once in their life. Maybe not in the same way, but we all do it. I gave away a piece of my childhood, for a glimpse at being an adult. I was thirteen, maybe fourteen. I wished I'd chosen another movie to do it to. I'm not sitting here writing about Independence Day friends. Nope, I chose my beloved TW...to record over with porn. I'm not proud of it, but boys will be boys and ya can't put shit back in the donkey, right? (Let me be clear that the last line was simply a figure of speech and that shit nor donkeys were in the porn flick I recorded over my copy of TW with. Moving on.) So, I kinda forgot about the movie all together for years. Until I moved to New York.
My first few years in New York were great for many reasons, but kinda shitty for one. My apartment. I lived in a tiny, dirty, dark basement apartment in Astoria, Queens. There were a few things that made it bearable. The neighborhood was nice, lots of friends close by and good Chinese food. Oh, and I had a neighborhood weed delivery service. A really, really good one.
One evening while sitting in my recliner with a J waiting for the pizza dude, I came across Teen Wolf on HBO. I quickly turned it on but only caught the last half hour, but it was enough though to kick up some serious nostalgia .The next day I asked my roommate to track it down somewhere online and by the time I got home from work that night, there was a freshly burned DVD waiting for me. I quickly popped it in the player, sparked one up, and felt like I was a kid again. My life's troubles paled in comparison to Scott Howard's. I was swept up in the furry teen angst of this film like never before. Something was different and I don't mean just my bloodshot eyes. I was watching this movie after years of education. Years of acting classes and script analysis, Shakespeare to Tony Kushner. Film classes covering everything Citizen Kane to Bill and Ted. It was more than that though. For the first time in my life, I was watching this movie as an adult.
The following day I couldn't stop thinking about the it. I went to work and when I was finished my friends and I went for beers and eats at the Vietnamese spot next to our restaurant. My workmates and I got to chatting over drinks and I brought up the movie to the group. Some people never heard of it. Other dismissed it quickly as, "80's garbage." Bastards! However, a couple of my friends knew the movie well enough to enter into heated conversation/debate about it. I presented the group with the sames ideas I'm about to present to you here. The reasons I think this movie is much, much more than just a cult classic.
The Boof-Pam Conundrum - Scott Howard has two love interests in the movie. Pamela Wells and Lisa "Boof" Marconi. Pamela is blonde, beautiful, and popular. At the start of the film, she doesn't even know Scott is alive. It's not until he turns into the wolf during a basketball game in front of the entire school and leads the team to victory due to mad wolf ups, that she decides he's worth her time.
Boof is Scott's best friend from childhood. She's cute, but not Pamela. At least not to Scott. Boof's loved Scott since they were young, but Scott's not having it. He's got tunnel vision for Pamela,who he doesn't even really know. I feel like guys go through this shit all the time. I guess girls do too. We all go after and look to date people who we don't even know, but who we have some grand idea of. Those people often encapsulate our idea of being physically beautiful, and yet may have no idea that we're even alive. It's the "challenge" of it all that makes it so appealing, and that's silly. We pass up and overlook people who genuinely have something to offer in a relationship because it's human nature to step over our own happiness in order to simply pursue something "better". And it's too bad. This is why I feel like most guys, girls too I guess, can be broken down into "Boofs" or Pams". Being a Boof means that you're mature enough to look for something more in your significant other than just the surface qualities. Being a Pam means you're someone who continues to chase awful people simply because of looks or status. Although I have a history of liking awful women, I hope to be as lucky as Scott Howard, and find my Boof someday.
Coach Bobby Finstock - When we're young we're told that our teachers know everything. They're the people that guide us, inspire us, and help us along on our journey to adulthood; And some of them are as full of shit and worthless as anyone else out there. Don't get me wrong, good teachers are an amazing thing and they're more necessary today than ever before. Some of them though are just giant kids that never grew up, made high school the best days of their lives, and still just want summers off and to bullshit in the halls. That kind of mentor is Coach Bobby Finstock. To really get a sense of this character please follow the link below. Finstock is a sad, yet hilarious, guy. He's an incredible representation of those special teachers out there who's own life is such a tragic mess that they couldn't possibly teach anyone anything, yet they take a salary year after year and waste minds of tomorrows leaders, one period at a time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHfirKjBzo
Confronting Your Furry Demons - We're all victims of our genetics and none of us can ever choose who our families are. During high school those inborn elements that we might not like can cause embarrassment and stress. When you're in high school everything seems so important even though none of it really is.
Kids today who get bullied or teased for one reason or another that they can't help. Sadly it's been the same way since Moses wore short pants and it will be that way for a long time to come. Scott Howard should be a poster boy for getting over the unnecessary stressful bullshit that is teen angst. Throughout the movie he learns that a big part of life is taking the things we don't like about ourselves, confronting them, embracing them, accepting them, and most importantly not letting those things define who we are. Which brings me to the next awesome thing about the movie.
Michael J. Fox - I can't imagine what I would have thought if someone gave me this script and I'd never seen the film. Just read the words on paper. I might think, "This is fucking ridiculous." The reason for that is because the premise of this movie, is fucking ridiculous; But it works. I really does. There's a few reasons for that. There is some fine dialogue in the script along with a really well put together cast. The main reason though...Michael J. Fox ACTS THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MOVIE. Plain and simple. There's not a second when he's on that screen that he's not completely committed to the truth of the moment. This movie was made before Back to the Future came out. Before Michael J. Fox ruled the last half of the eighties. It's a really brilliant performance from a fine young actor who will go on to be a truly inspirational human being.
I can go on friends. I won't, but I could. (My posts are already too long and I thank you if you stuck with this one.) Unfortunately most kids will know Teen Wolf as a poor man's version of Twilight that plays today on MTV. Except for some of the character names the MTV version is NOTHING like the 1985 film and is just another example of Hollywood being out of ideas so they mash together two stories that are kind of similar, but not really. It makes me sad all day.
So, I guess my point is for ya'all to go watch or re-watch Teen Wolf. If you've never seen this movie it's really worth your time. An under appreciated classic that is more than meets the eye. If you have seen it I hope you enjoy rediscovering it and if you can get your hands on a bong rip before hand, it wouldn't be the worst idea. Remember to keep moving forward no matter how hairy life may get and when it won't hand over that proverbial keg of beer, think of Stiles and, "Never Say Die."
For me, Scent of a Woman and Pulp Fiction, are my go to flicks. Scent of a Woman for many reasons. Most importantly because somewhere in the middle of seeing it for the first time when I was in high school, I knew I wanted to become an actor. Pulp Fiction because...I just think it's the coolest fucking movie of all time. It drips more cool than an air conditioner. From start to finish, even when Quentin himself awkwardly makes his way through the third act, it's all still pretty incredible.
There is a third though. It's a movie I must have seen well over a hundred times when I was a kid. A movie I rediscovered about five years ago. A movie that I believe shines a light on the truths about man's very nature on the earth. That movie is Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf was released on August, 23 1985. It came out the same summer as Back to the Future. Atlantic Releasing Corporation, the studio that distributed Teen Wolf, did all they could to capitalize on Back to the Future's success, but the two weren't even close. Teen Wolf grossed less than a tenth of what Back to the Future did that year. I don't think anyone was shocked and the flick was more or less overlooked at the time and headed to be a "cult classic." I was just a little more than three and a half years old at the time. Given my toddler status in 1983, I obviously wasn't able to make it over to the Gateway Cinema to catch the opening weekend of this masterpiece. I know for a fact however that Teen Wolf and I found each other shortly afterward. The reason I know this is because in first grade I insisted that I be Teen Wolf for Halloween. My mom signed off on it and purchased the necessary make up and such. I won costume contests that year both at school and at St. Leo's Church. You're probably saying, "How do you remember that, Mergs?" Trust me, I remember every time in my life I ever won candy.
My Teen Wolf VHS and I were besties for quite awhile. I would watch it on the reg along with the Teen Wolf Cartoon Series that came out on Saturday mornings. (A slightly bastardized version of the film but with the same central story.) I don't know why I dug the movie so much back then. One reason may have been that my cousin Mike and I thought the character Stiles, played brilliantly by Jerry Levine, was the funniest thing in the history of comedy. With lines like, "I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher? Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner." and the famous, "What are you looking at Dicknose?" tee shirt he sported, Stiles may very have well been the funniest thing either of us had seen up to that point in our lives.
Althought I moved on to other movies as I got older TW was a staple of my collection throughout my preteen years. Sadly though, I ended up doing something I think everyone does at least once in their life. Maybe not in the same way, but we all do it. I gave away a piece of my childhood, for a glimpse at being an adult. I was thirteen, maybe fourteen. I wished I'd chosen another movie to do it to. I'm not sitting here writing about Independence Day friends. Nope, I chose my beloved TW...to record over with porn. I'm not proud of it, but boys will be boys and ya can't put shit back in the donkey, right? (Let me be clear that the last line was simply a figure of speech and that shit nor donkeys were in the porn flick I recorded over my copy of TW with. Moving on.) So, I kinda forgot about the movie all together for years. Until I moved to New York.
My first few years in New York were great for many reasons, but kinda shitty for one. My apartment. I lived in a tiny, dirty, dark basement apartment in Astoria, Queens. There were a few things that made it bearable. The neighborhood was nice, lots of friends close by and good Chinese food. Oh, and I had a neighborhood weed delivery service. A really, really good one.
One evening while sitting in my recliner with a J waiting for the pizza dude, I came across Teen Wolf on HBO. I quickly turned it on but only caught the last half hour, but it was enough though to kick up some serious nostalgia .The next day I asked my roommate to track it down somewhere online and by the time I got home from work that night, there was a freshly burned DVD waiting for me. I quickly popped it in the player, sparked one up, and felt like I was a kid again. My life's troubles paled in comparison to Scott Howard's. I was swept up in the furry teen angst of this film like never before. Something was different and I don't mean just my bloodshot eyes. I was watching this movie after years of education. Years of acting classes and script analysis, Shakespeare to Tony Kushner. Film classes covering everything Citizen Kane to Bill and Ted. It was more than that though. For the first time in my life, I was watching this movie as an adult.
The following day I couldn't stop thinking about the it. I went to work and when I was finished my friends and I went for beers and eats at the Vietnamese spot next to our restaurant. My workmates and I got to chatting over drinks and I brought up the movie to the group. Some people never heard of it. Other dismissed it quickly as, "80's garbage." Bastards! However, a couple of my friends knew the movie well enough to enter into heated conversation/debate about it. I presented the group with the sames ideas I'm about to present to you here. The reasons I think this movie is much, much more than just a cult classic.
The Boof-Pam Conundrum - Scott Howard has two love interests in the movie. Pamela Wells and Lisa "Boof" Marconi. Pamela is blonde, beautiful, and popular. At the start of the film, she doesn't even know Scott is alive. It's not until he turns into the wolf during a basketball game in front of the entire school and leads the team to victory due to mad wolf ups, that she decides he's worth her time.
Boof is Scott's best friend from childhood. She's cute, but not Pamela. At least not to Scott. Boof's loved Scott since they were young, but Scott's not having it. He's got tunnel vision for Pamela,who he doesn't even really know. I feel like guys go through this shit all the time. I guess girls do too. We all go after and look to date people who we don't even know, but who we have some grand idea of. Those people often encapsulate our idea of being physically beautiful, and yet may have no idea that we're even alive. It's the "challenge" of it all that makes it so appealing, and that's silly. We pass up and overlook people who genuinely have something to offer in a relationship because it's human nature to step over our own happiness in order to simply pursue something "better". And it's too bad. This is why I feel like most guys, girls too I guess, can be broken down into "Boofs" or Pams". Being a Boof means that you're mature enough to look for something more in your significant other than just the surface qualities. Being a Pam means you're someone who continues to chase awful people simply because of looks or status. Although I have a history of liking awful women, I hope to be as lucky as Scott Howard, and find my Boof someday.
Coach Bobby Finstock - When we're young we're told that our teachers know everything. They're the people that guide us, inspire us, and help us along on our journey to adulthood; And some of them are as full of shit and worthless as anyone else out there. Don't get me wrong, good teachers are an amazing thing and they're more necessary today than ever before. Some of them though are just giant kids that never grew up, made high school the best days of their lives, and still just want summers off and to bullshit in the halls. That kind of mentor is Coach Bobby Finstock. To really get a sense of this character please follow the link below. Finstock is a sad, yet hilarious, guy. He's an incredible representation of those special teachers out there who's own life is such a tragic mess that they couldn't possibly teach anyone anything, yet they take a salary year after year and waste minds of tomorrows leaders, one period at a time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEHfirKjBzo
Confronting Your Furry Demons - We're all victims of our genetics and none of us can ever choose who our families are. During high school those inborn elements that we might not like can cause embarrassment and stress. When you're in high school everything seems so important even though none of it really is.
Kids today who get bullied or teased for one reason or another that they can't help. Sadly it's been the same way since Moses wore short pants and it will be that way for a long time to come. Scott Howard should be a poster boy for getting over the unnecessary stressful bullshit that is teen angst. Throughout the movie he learns that a big part of life is taking the things we don't like about ourselves, confronting them, embracing them, accepting them, and most importantly not letting those things define who we are. Which brings me to the next awesome thing about the movie.
Michael J. Fox - I can't imagine what I would have thought if someone gave me this script and I'd never seen the film. Just read the words on paper. I might think, "This is fucking ridiculous." The reason for that is because the premise of this movie, is fucking ridiculous; But it works. I really does. There's a few reasons for that. There is some fine dialogue in the script along with a really well put together cast. The main reason though...Michael J. Fox ACTS THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MOVIE. Plain and simple. There's not a second when he's on that screen that he's not completely committed to the truth of the moment. This movie was made before Back to the Future came out. Before Michael J. Fox ruled the last half of the eighties. It's a really brilliant performance from a fine young actor who will go on to be a truly inspirational human being.
I can go on friends. I won't, but I could. (My posts are already too long and I thank you if you stuck with this one.) Unfortunately most kids will know Teen Wolf as a poor man's version of Twilight that plays today on MTV. Except for some of the character names the MTV version is NOTHING like the 1985 film and is just another example of Hollywood being out of ideas so they mash together two stories that are kind of similar, but not really. It makes me sad all day.
So, I guess my point is for ya'all to go watch or re-watch Teen Wolf. If you've never seen this movie it's really worth your time. An under appreciated classic that is more than meets the eye. If you have seen it I hope you enjoy rediscovering it and if you can get your hands on a bong rip before hand, it wouldn't be the worst idea. Remember to keep moving forward no matter how hairy life may get and when it won't hand over that proverbial keg of beer, think of Stiles and, "Never Say Die."
Friday, February 3, 2012
4 Things
I turned thirty just about two months ago. It was surprisingly easier than I thought would be. The last few birthdays during my late twenties were brutal. Bar fights, dislocated shoulders, horrible drunken phone calls, and several owed apologies. Thirty on the other hand was fantastic. My older friends treated me as if they were welcoming me into some secret club. They talked about the awfulness of the anxiety ridden late twenties and that I should be glad to be done with them. They referred to the thirties as being, "the best years." One of my friends even said, "The best thing I ever did in my twenties was turn thirty."
Like I said I'm only a couple months in but so far so good and I'm finding out that there is a part of me that doesn't totally mind getting older. What really made thirty easier to take thought, was a little revelation I had sometime last year. I think the period of time moving from the twenties to the thirties is when you gain something very important. Your first real...tiny little slivers...of Wisdom.
I have a tough time talking to kids in their early twenties. The reason being is that I find most of them to be the same way I was back then; a fucking know-it-all. I think everyone goes through it a little bit. "I just graduated college. I have a degree. That means I'm smart. That means I'm going to have a job and know everything about it and the world and you." I get it. You literally just spent seventeen years in school so you feel that now you know a thing or two, but you don't. The truth is that most kids in their early twenties can fill a book with what they don't know, but they rarely admit that because when you're twenty you're stubborn. At least I was. I cringe when I remember being in heated arguments with older actors while I was still in school and thinking that I had the craft and the life of an artist all figured out. I didn't know shit my friends, and guess what? I still don't. But that is what I'm beginning to think is one beautiful things about getting older...admitting what you don't know. I think the more you think you know, the more full of bullshit you are.
I only know four things. These were four ideas that at one point or another became personal beliefs that I now feel quiet strong about. I've decided to go ahead and share them with you reader friend. I hope you enjoy.
1. Nothing good ever comes from being negative.
You all know that person. That pissy little rain cloud that walks around at work or maybe is part of your circle of friends and just bitches, bitches, bitches. That douche who can often be heard saying things like, "Fuck my life," or "I hate today!" If you don't know of anyone like that and you're thinking to yourself, "I say fuck my life all the time," then congratulations. You're the pissy little rain cloud douche of your group. Truth be told we're all guilty of it from time to time. Every now and again we all let this world get the best of us and we revert to the shitty behavior of a spoiled fat fifth grader. We pout, pound our fist, and try and spread our bad mood all over the place. After spending years working in two drama filled environments, theater and restaurants, and seeing this behavior come through on the reg from both my coworkers and myself alike, I had to stop and ask myself a question. Has this behavior every really helped a situation? The answer was no. Then that no lead me to a second question. Has this behavior ever actually made the situation worse? That answer was yes.
If you're familiar at all with the law of attraction then you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know what the law of attraction is then allow the good folks of Wikipedia to explain:
The law of attraction is a metaphysical belief or theory, that "like attracts like," and that Human perception of what is positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative perceived results, respectively. According to the law of attraction, the phrase "I need more money" or "I don't have enough money" allows the subject to continue to "need more money" or "not have enough money". If the subject wants to change this they would focus their thoughts on the goal (having more money) rather than the problem (needing more money). This might take the form of phrases such as "I have more money now" or "I have more money than I need."
And there you have it. So by indulging in the negativity of a situation instead of focusing on the positive, we actually dig ourselves deeper into whatever hole we're already in. Also, being negative is always the easy thing to do. It's the behavior of a child. On the flip side, seeking a solution for a problem and keeping up the spirits of those around you while you do it, is what grown ups do, what leaders do. It's the kind of behavior that people look up to, admire, and respect. It's not an easy thing to do. I struggle with it everyday and it's an art I'm not even close to mastering, but I think it's something worth shooting for.
2. You can't really do any work as an actor until you're off book.
Learn your lines. That's it. Should be the first thing you do. Until it does, you're worthless. Nothing will piss off people in the acting world, like a moron who drags his or her feet about getting off book. "Really, you figured out what kind of shoes your character would wear? That's swell. Now go learn your fucking lines." It should be the first thing that happens, then you can start to act. Got it? Moving on.
3. No man should ever wear UGGs.
New York is a liberal place in all sorts of ways. It's part of the reason I like it so much. Fashion is no different. After being here for five years there are few outfits I see out on the street that will ever really shock me or make me look twice. You can't walk through the West Village in May without seeing at least one dude with dreads in plastic rain boots, silver butt shorts, and a pink tube top strolling along. I'm cool with that. It's part of the beauty of this city. People mind their own business for the most part. No one has time to give a shit what someone else is dressed like.
However, there is one ridiculous footwear choice that I occasionally see and I can't comprehend it to a point that it makes me angry. Last time I noticed it was at work about two years ago. I was waiting on this complete jerkoff who was at brunch, of course, with his hot ass model girlfriend. He was in his mid thirties and I could tell he was made of money. He asked to have the rest of his pizza wrapped to go and I said no problem. As the bus boy went over to clear his table I suddenly heard this guy screaming bloody murder. When I inquired as to what was wrong he told my that the bus boy didn't stack the plates correctly and the meatballs on his pizza were getting smushed. I assured him that his meatballs were fine and he replied, "They better be." I then left the table and instructed the busser to drop his pizza in the compost garbage can in the back before boxing it up. That's right.
After I swiped his AMEX Black Card I noticed something. He was sitting with his feet up on the chair of the table next to him and he was wearing UGGs. I mean CLASSIC UGGs. Tan, furry inside, sorority girl late for her 8am class UGGs. I froze. I remember being filled with blind rage. In my mind's eyes I pictured myself reining blow after blow upon him while screaming, "How are your meatballs now you furry booted piece of shit." I pictured strolling out of the restaurant with his girlfriend on my arm and immediately heading back to her place because she was suddenly filled with lust at sight of my Chuck Taylor's. Then I finally snapped to and dropped his check. I couldn't understand it though. What would prompt Barry WallStreet to walk into a shoe store one day and say, "Hey I'm looking for something made popular by twenty year old girls in 2003."? I mean, it's just...how much of a douche can one person be? Ya know?
I'm a pretty easy goin cat, but when I see some chud strolling along in a pair of those stupid things, I can't take it. No sir, I do not support my fellow man's right to wear UGGs. Not in my America. Not on my watch.
4. Danny Devito is one of the greatest entertainers of all time.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "I liked the movie, but Danny Devito was awful."? Think about it. I never have. In all of the thousands of countless conversations and arguments I've had with people about film and television, I've never heard a single person say they don't like Danny Devito's work. I've heard lots of people say they hate certain movies of his, (Junior) but never him. I mean, what's not to like. He's an actors actor. A solid hardworking character guy. If you asked my grandmother about Danny Devito she'll tell you she remembers him being absolutely hysterical on TAXI. I remember being a kid and watching Throw Momma From the Train and Twins with my Mom and thinking he was hilarious. Today my friends and I quote him to death because we're all huge It's Always Sunny fans. He's also produced a ton of films over the years not the least of which is a little independent movie called, Pulp Fiction. To top it all off he was in my restaurant a few months ago and couldn't have been nicer. Solid actor, solid customer.
So, that's it. Those are the only four things I really know, and I'm okay with that, at least for right now. Maybe by thirty five I'll add a fifth but four is all I can manage at moment. Happy Friday Gang.
Like I said I'm only a couple months in but so far so good and I'm finding out that there is a part of me that doesn't totally mind getting older. What really made thirty easier to take thought, was a little revelation I had sometime last year. I think the period of time moving from the twenties to the thirties is when you gain something very important. Your first real...tiny little slivers...of Wisdom.
I have a tough time talking to kids in their early twenties. The reason being is that I find most of them to be the same way I was back then; a fucking know-it-all. I think everyone goes through it a little bit. "I just graduated college. I have a degree. That means I'm smart. That means I'm going to have a job and know everything about it and the world and you." I get it. You literally just spent seventeen years in school so you feel that now you know a thing or two, but you don't. The truth is that most kids in their early twenties can fill a book with what they don't know, but they rarely admit that because when you're twenty you're stubborn. At least I was. I cringe when I remember being in heated arguments with older actors while I was still in school and thinking that I had the craft and the life of an artist all figured out. I didn't know shit my friends, and guess what? I still don't. But that is what I'm beginning to think is one beautiful things about getting older...admitting what you don't know. I think the more you think you know, the more full of bullshit you are.
I only know four things. These were four ideas that at one point or another became personal beliefs that I now feel quiet strong about. I've decided to go ahead and share them with you reader friend. I hope you enjoy.
1. Nothing good ever comes from being negative.
You all know that person. That pissy little rain cloud that walks around at work or maybe is part of your circle of friends and just bitches, bitches, bitches. That douche who can often be heard saying things like, "Fuck my life," or "I hate today!" If you don't know of anyone like that and you're thinking to yourself, "I say fuck my life all the time," then congratulations. You're the pissy little rain cloud douche of your group. Truth be told we're all guilty of it from time to time. Every now and again we all let this world get the best of us and we revert to the shitty behavior of a spoiled fat fifth grader. We pout, pound our fist, and try and spread our bad mood all over the place. After spending years working in two drama filled environments, theater and restaurants, and seeing this behavior come through on the reg from both my coworkers and myself alike, I had to stop and ask myself a question. Has this behavior every really helped a situation? The answer was no. Then that no lead me to a second question. Has this behavior ever actually made the situation worse? That answer was yes.
If you're familiar at all with the law of attraction then you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know what the law of attraction is then allow the good folks of Wikipedia to explain:
The law of attraction is a metaphysical belief or theory, that "like attracts like," and that Human perception of what is positive and negative thinking bring about positive and negative perceived results, respectively. According to the law of attraction, the phrase "I need more money" or "I don't have enough money" allows the subject to continue to "need more money" or "not have enough money". If the subject wants to change this they would focus their thoughts on the goal (having more money) rather than the problem (needing more money). This might take the form of phrases such as "I have more money now" or "I have more money than I need."
And there you have it. So by indulging in the negativity of a situation instead of focusing on the positive, we actually dig ourselves deeper into whatever hole we're already in. Also, being negative is always the easy thing to do. It's the behavior of a child. On the flip side, seeking a solution for a problem and keeping up the spirits of those around you while you do it, is what grown ups do, what leaders do. It's the kind of behavior that people look up to, admire, and respect. It's not an easy thing to do. I struggle with it everyday and it's an art I'm not even close to mastering, but I think it's something worth shooting for.
2. You can't really do any work as an actor until you're off book.
Learn your lines. That's it. Should be the first thing you do. Until it does, you're worthless. Nothing will piss off people in the acting world, like a moron who drags his or her feet about getting off book. "Really, you figured out what kind of shoes your character would wear? That's swell. Now go learn your fucking lines." It should be the first thing that happens, then you can start to act. Got it? Moving on.
3. No man should ever wear UGGs.
New York is a liberal place in all sorts of ways. It's part of the reason I like it so much. Fashion is no different. After being here for five years there are few outfits I see out on the street that will ever really shock me or make me look twice. You can't walk through the West Village in May without seeing at least one dude with dreads in plastic rain boots, silver butt shorts, and a pink tube top strolling along. I'm cool with that. It's part of the beauty of this city. People mind their own business for the most part. No one has time to give a shit what someone else is dressed like.
However, there is one ridiculous footwear choice that I occasionally see and I can't comprehend it to a point that it makes me angry. Last time I noticed it was at work about two years ago. I was waiting on this complete jerkoff who was at brunch, of course, with his hot ass model girlfriend. He was in his mid thirties and I could tell he was made of money. He asked to have the rest of his pizza wrapped to go and I said no problem. As the bus boy went over to clear his table I suddenly heard this guy screaming bloody murder. When I inquired as to what was wrong he told my that the bus boy didn't stack the plates correctly and the meatballs on his pizza were getting smushed. I assured him that his meatballs were fine and he replied, "They better be." I then left the table and instructed the busser to drop his pizza in the compost garbage can in the back before boxing it up. That's right.
After I swiped his AMEX Black Card I noticed something. He was sitting with his feet up on the chair of the table next to him and he was wearing UGGs. I mean CLASSIC UGGs. Tan, furry inside, sorority girl late for her 8am class UGGs. I froze. I remember being filled with blind rage. In my mind's eyes I pictured myself reining blow after blow upon him while screaming, "How are your meatballs now you furry booted piece of shit." I pictured strolling out of the restaurant with his girlfriend on my arm and immediately heading back to her place because she was suddenly filled with lust at sight of my Chuck Taylor's. Then I finally snapped to and dropped his check. I couldn't understand it though. What would prompt Barry WallStreet to walk into a shoe store one day and say, "Hey I'm looking for something made popular by twenty year old girls in 2003."? I mean, it's just...how much of a douche can one person be? Ya know?
I'm a pretty easy goin cat, but when I see some chud strolling along in a pair of those stupid things, I can't take it. No sir, I do not support my fellow man's right to wear UGGs. Not in my America. Not on my watch.
4. Danny Devito is one of the greatest entertainers of all time.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "I liked the movie, but Danny Devito was awful."? Think about it. I never have. In all of the thousands of countless conversations and arguments I've had with people about film and television, I've never heard a single person say they don't like Danny Devito's work. I've heard lots of people say they hate certain movies of his, (Junior) but never him. I mean, what's not to like. He's an actors actor. A solid hardworking character guy. If you asked my grandmother about Danny Devito she'll tell you she remembers him being absolutely hysterical on TAXI. I remember being a kid and watching Throw Momma From the Train and Twins with my Mom and thinking he was hilarious. Today my friends and I quote him to death because we're all huge It's Always Sunny fans. He's also produced a ton of films over the years not the least of which is a little independent movie called, Pulp Fiction. To top it all off he was in my restaurant a few months ago and couldn't have been nicer. Solid actor, solid customer.
So, that's it. Those are the only four things I really know, and I'm okay with that, at least for right now. Maybe by thirty five I'll add a fifth but four is all I can manage at moment. Happy Friday Gang.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Blooming Day
It's warm. Unseasonably warm. I would assume it's all that Global Warming we've been hearing about or maybe it's just that we really are at the end of an ice age and going through some pretty dramatic climate change. Either way, I totally dig it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in favor of polluting the environment to a point where poor polar bears don't have a leg, or a chunk of ice in this case, to stand on. I believe we all could and should be greener people in order to repair this big blue marble we reside on. In the meantime though, while I separate my recyclables from my compost and seek out hybrid taxis, I'm totally gonna enjoy this weather. After all life is better in shorts.
Since tomorrow is Groundhog Day I feel like it's alright to go ahead and tell my Pennsylvania brotha from a furry motha, Punxatawney Phil, to sleep in. It was 57 degrees today. Spring's not on the way, it's pretty much here.
So, since Phil can take tomorrow off I feel it's important to focus on another holiday that may be here sooner than any of us expected...Blooming Day. What's Blooming Day? We've all been a part of it. We've all anticipated and rejoiced in it at one time or another. Most folks just don't have a proper name for it. I came across the term for the first time about a year ago via a play called Extinction written by a dude named Gabe Mckinley. I'm not sure if he coined the term but as far as I can tell he was the first to put it in print. The passage below is what caught my attention and made me realize that maybe there's a need to show this glorious day of the year the respect it deserves.
MAX: I do miss New York....San Diego is like living in a post card. Pretty but flat - fucking cardboard. It's not New York...New York...New York girls. Jesus, I miss them...This time of year. The first day after the long winter...the first day the dresses come out and their bodies can be seen...and they know it. God, do they know it. It should be a national holiday. The day the girls bloom like flowers. Blooming Day.
By now I think most of you understand what I'm talking about. I noticed this phenomenon during my first year away at school. I can remember stopping by my friend's house on my way the the first class of the day and everyone freaking out, asking me if I'd been up to campus yet. I remember walking up the hill toward Carver Hall and feeling like someone flipped the switch from black and white to color. No more sweatpants and UGGs. Oh no, sir. They were traded out for sundresses and sports bras with tiny running shorts that read, "PINK" across the back.
It was more than just the glow of tanning bed baked skin about campus that made this day so special. It was the mood. Everyone's mood was fantastic. Everyone was laughing, smiling, jogging, or joking. All was right with the world. And of course since it's finally beautiful out everybody has the same idea, "Let's drink. No Wait! Let's drink outside."
I've been out of college for over six years now and I gotta tell ya, not much has changed. Once that weather breaks, especially in NYC, the same rules apply. Many of the ladies of in this city drastically change up their wardrobe come that first really warm day. I feel arrogant saying this, but I can't imagine a city out there with more beautiful women than New York. A few years ago I was walking down the street with a friend of mine who had just returned to NY after being away for a bit. It was a spring afternoon and we were standing at a crosswalk when he turned to me and said, "Fuckin New York. Even the ugly girls are hot here." That's kinda true. I'll often find myself walking down the street or through a supermarket and suddenly notice that I've stopped walking and am now just staring at a girl who is so incredibly gorgeous that I'm almost angry about it. Another friend of mine said once, "I fall in love every time I get on the subway." It's true. So many times I've stepped on a train to begin my commute and find myself sitting across form a girl who easily could have been Miss America last year. I imagine our relationship together from first date until our fiftieth wedding anniversary and it's really incredible. Then she hops off at her stop and I shake myself out of my daydream and go back to playing Angry Birds. What I'm trying to say is that here in NYC, Blooming Day is on another level. Yet, that sophomore ritual of calling it an early work day and seeking the comfort of a pint outside still applies.
I don't want to just make this day about upper thighs and cleavage though. I don't think that it's just about staring at women, although that's certainly a big part of it. I also don't want the people to read this and think that I'm trying to promote the idea of being a creep or acting like a dirt bag. I was raised by women so I do believe that you should do your best to never be anything less than a gentleman. I do however want to acknowledge the fact that the change in ladies's wardrobe prompted by the change in seasons will undoubtedly elevate the mood of a whole community. I've seen it happen and it will never go the other way. Girls across the country will never be completely psyched that it was 72 degrees today and dudes everywhere finally broke out their cargo shorts and flip flops. It just doesn't work like that. It's a one way street and this yearly event reinforces an idea that I've had for sometime now. Women and the most beautiful and fascinating creatures in this universe. However, Blooming Day is about much more than just the ladies.
I remember Blooming Day last year. I stepped out the front door of my building and before I saw a single female, I remember just taking a breath. A deep breath. I closed my eyes and savored the way the air smelled different since the sun showed up. I remember spending that afternoon with friends and day drinking. Although no one felt the need to say it aloud, we were simply celebrating the fact that it was warm out and we were all alive and able to enjoy it together. Winter is a bitch. That stretch of time between New Year's Day and Blooming day is dark and long and depressing. Blooming Day to me is Mother Nature dragging us out of bed saying, "Hey, no matter how long it's cold for, remember that sooner or later it'll be sunny again. And when it is, you need to recognize it, embrace it, and take advantage of it. Now, get out there an enjoy it!"
So if things keep going the way they are, Blooming Day 2012 will be here sooner rather than later. There is no set date for it and it varies from region to region. You have to keep your eye out for it and you'll know when it's really here the second you step out your front door. If it falls on a weekday and you're in a position to play hooky from work or school I suggest you do. Round up your friends and plant yourselves somewhere outside where you can enjoy a beer and your surroundings. Feel the sun on your shoulders for a bit and remember that no matter what pressures of life hound us from day to day, it's crucial to make time to savor a drink in the sun now and again with your friends and embrace the simple things. It's just good for the soul.
So friends, I hope Blooming Day greets us sooner rather than later and I hope I'm out there with ya'all to enjoy it. Oh and guys, let's all go easy on the gawking.
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